Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The Bald Frog -- A Fairy Tale by M.L.

Blogger has these random questions you can answer in your profile. I tried to do this one, but it told me it was too long for my profile. So I decided to put it here. I mean, after all, I went to all that creative work. :)

Tell the story of the bald frog who had a wig....

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince named Vin. An evil queen, who felt threatened by powerful, buff, sexy, bald men, put a curse on him and turned him into a frog. As part of the curse, he was required to wear a wig at all times, because even as a frog, the evil queen couldn't stand the idea of his sexy baldness.

Vin may have been cursed to become a frog, but that didn't change his tough guy mentality, so he refused to wear the wig and told the evil queen that when he was once again a man, he was going to take that wig and stick it up her... Well, you get the picture.

One day a beautiful, sweet, innocent (okay, well maybe not too innocent) princess named ML was walking through the forest. She was most displeased because her father had ordered her to marry some rich, ugly dude with horns. Apparently her father had made some kind of deal with the beast. ML, not being the type to take orders, had just told her father and the rich, ugly dude to go to hell, and had split. When she paused by a pond in the clearing, she saw an incredibly sexy, buff, bald guy lounging on the bank. Okay, he was really a frog, but ML possessed The Sight and could tell that under that green, 4-legged facade, a true hunk dwelled.
Not being a dummy, and being well versed in fairy tales, she immediately ran to the frog, kissed him, and made him into a man again. The man told her in a gritty, sensuous voice that he was Prince Vin. Not as impressed by his title as by his gorgeous, nude body, she fell upon him and they had a fabulous, sweaty, hot lovemaking session right there by the pond.

When they'd finally managed to overcome their lustful urges with one another, Princess ML told Prince Vin about her father and the rich, ugly, horned dude and their plans for her. Prince Vin, in turn, told Princess ML about the evil queen who had cursed him, and he showed her the wig that he planned to...well, you know.

Prince Vin and Princess ML made a sacred pact to help one another and rid the kingdom of evil. They journeyed to the castle, where they stopped in the armory and collected an assortment of vicious-looking weapons, then entered the great hall where ML's father sat upon his gilded throne. The ugly rich dude perched on a throne of his own nearby, getting his horns polished by the castle serving wenches.

Vin and ML made short work of the king and the rich, ugly dude. After all, this is a fairy tale and good always triumphs over evil, right? Speaking of evil, the evil queen appeared just as they were cleaning up, and tried to curse Vin again. ML kicked her ass (did I forget to mention that sweet as she might be, ML had a black belt in all the major martial arts?). Vin got out his handy dandy knife and shaved the evil queen bald, thereby divesting her of her power--who knew her power was in her hair?--then instead of shoving the wig up her...well, you know...he SuperGlued it to her scalp. Then Vin and ML banished the evil queen, ML's father the king, and the rich, ugly, horned dude from the kingdom, and sent them through a cosmic portal to a barren, desert wasteland planet on the outer fringes of the universe.

And Prince Vin and Princess ML? Well, they got married, of course, and became King Vin and Queen ML. They ruled their kingdom with love and mostly kindness (unless someone pissed them off and they had to kick some ass) for a hundred years.

The End

(By the way, cornball or not, this piece is copyrighted by me, ML. So while I seriously doubt anyone would want to copy it or email it to friends or whatever, there are some people in the world who get off on that, and therefore I feel compelled to put the copyright notice here to be sure all readers are clear on this issue. If you want someone to read this, simply send them here to my blog and they can read to their heart's content. :))

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